Saturday, August 18, 2012

38.5 Weeks and Baby thoughts

 I am 38 weeks and 5 days 
and I can hardly believe it 
I feel like at some points pregnancy goes so slow 
and then all of a sudden you are at the end home stretch 
This is when it starts to feel REAL 
 When I was pregnant with Maddux I wasn't scared at all
about having him or what it would be like to have him here
I don't know if its just cuz he was our first, because I 
had never been through it before or just being naive new parents 
And I don't know what it is about this time around but I am terrified
Don't get me wrong I am soooooooo excited and can't 
wait to hold my sweet newborn little boy and look him 
in the eyes for the first time but boy do I have some fears 

First let me start off by saying we are going to be induced on Monday
August 20th, yes that is 2 days away eeeekkk
that is a week before my due date
I have had some people support me in this and others 
try to tell me it isn't worth it but ultimately 
Ty and I decided it is right for us and that 
the doctor wouldn't have offered if it wasn't safe and healthy 
I did have my doubts and fears but I think it was 
more just being nervous about labor and having two kids then 
actually being induced
I had an appointment today and was measuring at 3cm and 
75% effaced so this baby is getting ready and I think he would 
be coming very soon any way
so why be induced you ask?
Well Ty starts his 3rd year of law school on Wednesday and this way 
being induced on Monday he can be at the hospital with me 
the whole time without having to miss school 
otherwise I would probably go into labor while he is in school 
I am still a little nervous for me not so much the baby
I think the baby will be just fine and healthy
I have just never been induced so I am nervous to see how my body 
does and how long everything will be 
so wish me luck and pray it will all go smoothly 

So now that we have being induced out of the way
Here are some reasons why I am terrified to go through this again
1. I don't want my little Maddux to ever feel left out or sad about baby Holden
I am going to do my darn hardest to include him in everything
to get him excited about being a big brother 
and help him know how much both him and Holden mean to me
Did anyone else ever feel guilty about having another baby???
I can't seem to shake that feeling and I hate it cuz I am going to have
another little miracle I shouldn't be feeling guilty about that
 2. I am terrified of being out numbered 
now when Ty is busy and in school it is not just me and a baby
it is me, my maddux and newborn Holden
I know so many people do it and with much more children 
but I am just hoping I can do this 
3. I don't remember how to take care of a newborn
I am hoping it will just all come back to me 
but I feel like it has been so long and I honestly don't remember what it is like 
4.  I loved my experience with breastfeeding 
but this time around i am nervous because it takes time and I 
just don't know how it is all going to go down with a toddler 
that also needs my attention 
 5.. I am so nervous about labor and delivering again
haha I don't think that fear ever goes away does it?
6. I had postpartum depression with Maddux 
not just the baby blues but the real thing, being embarrassed, 
having to talk to the doctor, feeling like all I did was cry for weeks, on medication 
type of real deal. And this pregnancy I have actually already kinda 
started into it so I am really scared of going through that again.
This one is probably my biggest fear of all 
7. I just want to be a good mommy to my little boys 
and I am in constant fear that I am not being as good 
as they deserve 

Now to more happy thoughts I am so excited
I can't believe I am going to have two little boys in my life
I am already imagining him and Maddux being best buddies growing up
fighting, playing, wrestling, Holden following maddux around, 
and them both playing sports with their daddy
I feel so lucky to be able to stay home with my kids 
I can't wait to see what Holden will look like, how he will act,
what his little personality will be like and how he will interact with 
Maddux as his big brother 
I am so excited for that special moment that no 
one can put into words when you see and hold your baby for the very first time
I am excited for the moment that Maddux gets to see his little 
brother and give him a kiss for the first time 
I am excited to bring him to his home and family 
I am excited to be a mom of my two little boys 

So I am going to tell myself I can do this
That everything is going to be ok
That even though I have my fears and I worry a lot 
There are a lot more things to be excited about 
and the blessings of sweet baby Holden farly out weigh any fears I am having
I just want to be the best mommy I can be to my little boys 
I want to be what they deserve 

Any advice for me? About to take on the roll
of a mother of two? I would love all the pointers 
and tips :)

so......2 more days until I have a sweet little newborn Holden in my arms 

P.S. I am one of those people that LOVES visitors after having a baby
I don't want to be left alone that's when my depression really sets in
especially with Ty going back to school when we get home from the 
hospital so don't be shy come visit me :)


  1. Don't worry! Everything will be perfect! I just had a sweet baby girl six weeks ago and had some of the same fears. I have a 3 year old and 12 year old too. My three year old adores her. Breastfeeding is so nice. I sit down to breastfeed and actually spend more close time with my three year old because he sits next to me. We read more books and watch movies and snuggle while I nurse. I had post partum depression pretty bad with my three year old. I didn't have it at all this time. Remember every pregancy is different :)

  2. Trust me I had all the same feelings when I was prego with #2, but once she was here it was fine. I was a new Mom; I was already doing the job. I think for me that those fears came because the first time around I had so much more time to over think things, but once you have more than one child you are occupied, in a good way. I also let my older children be in charge of forging their own relationship with a new baby; we never pushed. When my daughter was born my son could of cared less it took him two days to hold her. He wasn't jealous just in his own world. I understand your reason for wanting to be induced, totally ligit, but I have had to be induced twice and went once on my own and it has been night and day. If I were you I would see what I could do about trying to convince the babe to get things moving before Monday! Good luck; you'll be fine!

  3. Good Luck. I am sure the newborn stuff will all come back to you. And I feel the same way about having another child, feeling guilty. We just have Mia and I know I want other children but I just feel guilty and worry that she won't feel like our Everything if I do. I can't wait to read your blog and your experience when you do have your baby so that I can see how it might be to have another lil one. :)

  4. Whit you are one of the bet mommies I know! And I feel 100% just like many fears but so many things to look forward to's been so fun to be prego with you and be just a week apart! I can't wait to meet Holden and we will have to get together lots since maddux and pais play so good together then we can cry and laugh together about the difficulties and funness of our newborns and being mommy to our toddlers! I hope your induction goes well...mine was such a breeze and there is nothing you should be worried about especially since your body has already experienced labor and delivery so I bet yours will e a breeze to...I will be keeping in touch andi hope you get to go in first thing in the morning and not have to wait any longer! Good luck love and thanks for everything you have done for me! Love you!

  5. I am so happy you feel good about being induced! I think it sounds like the perfect thing -- especially with Ty starting school. You definitely want to make sure he is there with you when you go into labor. You will do great!! Labor is scary but I guess that is the way it is supposed to be, right?! You have done it once and you can do it again. I always tell myself to take it ONE contraction at a time ... labor will end! You will do great! You will be a wonderful mom! Having two is definitely an adjustment but you and Maddux and Ty will all figure it out. I can't wait for you to hold your new little boy! I seriously don't think there is anything better than holding your new baby for the first time. Best of luck tomorrow. I think you will have a really easy time with it since your body is already ready for labor to start. Best of luck to you Whitney!!!!!!!!

  6. I have two girls 21 months apart. They are 5 and 3 now. I also got induced a week early with my second daughter and she was over 8 pounds. I'm totally with you on doing what's best for your family! I nursed my oldest for 10 months, and my second for 6 months. For me it was too stressful with my toddler running around. For advise I would say be prepared to stay home a lot. So freezer meals might be a good idea. You will be tired. It is a beautiful experience enjoy it as much as possible! I'm sure you will do great! I think we all feel low after a baby, all those hormones. Just know God loves you and entrusted you with this precious little one, and it's okay for ask for help! Good luck, excited for you!



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Pin It button on image hover